Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
