No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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