a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
