this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
this hospital has no fireball
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
