I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
