Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Randomize
