Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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