May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
