I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
