She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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