Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
