dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
