I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
