Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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