I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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