When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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