I accidentally burped into my bong.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize