drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
