Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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