Cold hands, warm shart.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
