don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
