I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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