we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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