Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
