I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
