saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
