I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize