maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
