clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
