I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
