Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
