i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm like, not good at living.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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