I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
