I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
