No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
