She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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