I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
