Farmville is her only friend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
