Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
