If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
