Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
