Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
