did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
