I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
