it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
