you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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