But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
