so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
