Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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