I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
