Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
