She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
