2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
