I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
