I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
