im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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