Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
