Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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