Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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