She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
