Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
