Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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