We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I want a musical about memes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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