I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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