Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
