Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
