Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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