i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
