I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
