why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
