New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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