I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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