matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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