In the future we'll all be gay
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
