i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
