halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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