went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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