I need help removing her.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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