What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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